What Should You Do If Your Ex Badmouths You to Your Kids?
Hearing that your ex-spouse is speaking negatively about you to your children can be devastating. For many parents, it feels like an attack on the most important relationship in their life. Beyond the emotional hurt, this situation raises serious concerns about your child’s well-being and your parental rights.
At Harris and Literski, we frequently help parents navigate post-judgment custody issues where one parent’s behavior begins to harm the child or interfere with the parent-child bond. If you are facing this situation, you are not alone, and there are constructive steps you can take.
This article explains why this behavior is so damaging, what you should and should not do, and when it may be time to involve an experienced family law attorney.
Why Speaking Negatively About a Parent Hurts Children
Children should never feel caught in the middle of adult conflict. When one parent consistently speaks badly about the other, it creates emotional stress that children are not equipped to handle.
Kids often internalize these messages, even when they do not fully understand them. Over time, this can affect their emotional development and their sense of security.
Common emotional impacts on children
Children exposed to negative talk about a parent may experience:
Anxiety or fear about upsetting one parent
Confusion about who to trust
Guilt for loving both parents
Pressure to take sides in adult disputes
Behavioral changes at home or school
Courts recognize that this type of behavior can be harmful and, in some cases, may rise to the level of parental alienation.
Is This Considered Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation occurs when one parent intentionally or repeatedly undermines the child’s relationship with the other parent. This behavior is not always obvious. In many cases, it happens gradually and behind the scenes.
Examples of alienating behavior
Some common examples include:
Making critical or insulting comments about the other parent
Blaming the other parent for the divorce or custody arrangement
Sharing adult details about court cases or finances
Encouraging the child to distrust or fear the other parent
Interfering with parenting time or communication
Even when framed as honesty or venting, these actions can violate court orders and negatively impact custody arrangements.
What You Should Avoid Doing
When emotions are running high, it is easy to react in ways that feel justified but ultimately hurt your case or your child.
Avoid criticizing your ex to your child
Responding with your own negative comments places your child further in the middle and may reflect poorly on you if the issue reaches court.
Avoid interrogating your child
Asking repeated or leading questions can make children feel responsible for managing the conflict. Let them share at their own pace.
Avoid heated confrontations
Angry texts, emails, or in-person confrontations can quickly become evidence and may escalate the situation instead of resolving it.
Remaining calm and child-focused is difficult, but it is one of the most important things you can do.
How to Support Your Child in a Healthy Way
While you cannot control what your ex says, you can control how you show up for your child.
Reassure your child without taking sides
Simple reassurance can be incredibly powerful. Let your child know they are allowed to love both parents and that adult issues are not their responsibility.
Helpful responses may include:
You do not have to choose between your parents
It is okay to have your own feelings
I am always here for you
Focus on consistency and stability
Children feel safer when they know what to expect. Being reliable, present, and engaged helps counteract negative messages.
Be a calm and steady presence
Listening without reacting defensively builds trust. Over time, children often recognize which parent provides emotional safety.
Why Documentation Is Critical
If negative talk continues, documentation can make a significant difference. Courts rely on evidence, not assumptions.
What to document
Keep a record of:
Statements your child reports, including dates and context
Missed or disrupted parenting time
Written communications from your ex
Changes in your child’s behavior following visits
Documentation should be factual and neutral. Avoid emotional language or speculation.
When Legal Intervention May Be Necessary
Not every situation requires immediate legal action. However, if the behavior persists or worsens, involving an attorney may be necessary to protect your child and your rights.
An experienced family law attorney can evaluate whether:
A custody or parenting time order is being violated
A motion to enforce parenting time is appropriate
A modification of custody or parenting time should be considered
Court-ordered counseling or other interventions may help
Judges take these issues seriously because they directly impact a child’s emotional health.
How Harris and Literski Can Help
At Harris and Literski, we understand how painful it is to feel your relationship with your child being undermined. Our family law team regularly handles post-judgment custody matters, including parental alienation, parenting time enforcement, child support issues, and changes in school districts.
We approach these cases with care, clarity, and a focus on protecting children while advocating for parents. If your ex is speaking negatively about you to your kids, you do not have to navigate this alone.
Contact Harris and Literski today to speak with a family law attorney who will help you understand your options and take steps to protect what matters most.